I’ve been shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding for three weeks now. I have purchased five (5) dresses and somehow still don’t have anything to wear. (In the interest of full disclosure, I should admit that I have a perfectly appropriate dress in my closet, but I’ve worn it to three of the past four weddings I’ve been to and was all over the excuse to buy a new dress.)
It seems like it should be an easy thing, buying a dress. My criteria were simple: I needed a dress that was appropriate for an afternoon-into-evening wedding, that was formal enough to go with a date in a tux but is still less formal than the bridesmaids dresses, and that was preferably not black. First, I ordered this dress:
It fit and is adorable, but in person, its totally not formal enough to wear to a wedding when your date has on a tux. Then, I ordered this dress:
Also beautiful, and formal enough, but it didn’t fit. And that became the story of dress shopping. Apparently there is not a single dress on the planet that fits me. I’m short, so anything that isn’t just the right length hits at a strange place. I’m pear shaped, which means that the sheath dresses like this–the third dress I bought–also won’t work.
(Side note: Why–WHY–can’t dress models just stand up straight? There is no possible way to understand how a dress will look in any reasonable situation when the models are standing like that!)
I always thought that empire waist dresses were a safe bet, but it turns out those are dodgy as well. On top of everything else, I’m short waisted. That, as I have learned, means that the top of the dress hits at an odd and unflattering place, which is a shame because I really, really loved this dress:
I have one last dress on order, and if it doesn’t work, I quit. I don’t care anymore about having a new dress, and have become way too aware of everything I don’t like about my figure. Its entirely possible that the reason I took up knitting is because its the only way I can have clothes that actually fit.